Mis queridos familiares y amistades,

¿Donde estás? Where are you right now? Not solely in a physical sense, but also in a spiritual, emotional, and more metaphorical sense. Where is it that you find yourself in this season of your life? Are you settled? Are you lost? Are you looking for answers about purpose or meaning? Are you caught up in the day to day? Ven y siéntate conmigo. Drink a cafecito with me.

Cambió - Change

Discomfort and I are intimate friends. Or more like acquaintances on the days when I hesitate to welcome discomfort. I want to say that discomfort and I developed a peaceful friendship over time. The reality is that my relationship with discomfort is fluid; our relationship often changes. A veces, discomfort feels like a familiar face. Pero otras veces, discomfort feels like a stranger, a threat, or a nuisance.

Change brings up feelings of deep discomfort. Change related to health, employment, relationships, education, home, and more. Even when the change feels exciting and invigorating (a cool new job or moving to a new city), not knowing the outcome or consequences is uncomfortable. After graduating from college, I felt both relief and fear. ¿Ahora qué? Where was I headed next?

In the years since graduating, I chose various roads and paths that left me asking the same questions over and over again. Some roads were unpaved and difficult to walk on; some paths led me through unknown sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and experiences. Either way, I had to make space for feeling uncomfortable whether or not I wanted to. Even if I was exactly where I needed or wanted to be.

Mi camino

Queridos, I want to share a part of my camino with you. Perhaps your journey mirrors mine in that it is inconsistent and random. Or maybe not. May this snippet of my timeline remind you - like it continues to remind me - that we must face our journey (or journeys) with acceptance. Acceptance of discomfort. Acceptance of change. Most importantly, acceptance of ourselves.

2018: I met my primer amor and partner. I got my heart broken. I graduated college and later traveled to South Korea and Japan by myself. I had no idea what I was doing or where I was headed.

2019: I was very depressed. I started therapy with an amazing and kindred spirit. I started my first post-college job and then quit 10 months later. I almost broke up with my primer amor. I kept going.

2020: I worked my second post-college job. I learned more about what I care about and new ways to be en el mundo. I lost a baby niece. I was thrown off by the devastation and loss. I remembered that racism has never ended. I wondered, with a heavy heart, whether anything was sacred anymore. I moved into my own studio apartment.

2021: I left my second post-college job after 1.5 years. I started couples therapy con mi amor. I moved in with my primer amor. I found my third post-college job. I slowly fell into an episode of deep depression and anxiety. I struggled with suicidal ideation. I started taking antidepressants and ADHD medication. I left my job after six months because I needed time off.

2022: I took four months off to rest, read, walk, grieve, feel, and recuperate. I read and read and read. I started my fourth post-college job. I asked my primer amor to marry me - she asked me to marry her, too. I kept taking my medication and going to therapy. I saved and planned for the travels of my dreams.

2023: I left home to pursue the travels of my dreams with my partner. I work remotely and part-time at my job. I am still scared and excited. I am still learning how to embrace discomfort. I am still finding my way.

Mi ofrenda para ti

Parts of my journey have left me feeling secure and confident. Other parts have left me feeling worried and terrified. Whether or not the path you are on feels uncertain or uncomfortable at this moment, I am with you. Tengo unas palabras para ti y para mi:

• Aun cuando hayas escogido tu camino o destino, es normal sentir inseguridad, miedo, inquietud o incomodidad. Even when you have chosen your path or destination, it is normal to feel insecurity, fear, worry or discomfort.
• Está bien si necesitas cambiar tu camino o destino; está bien si necesitas escoger un nuevo camino o destino. It is okay if you need to change your path or destination; it is okay if you need to choose a new path or destination.
• Tu eres mucho más que las luchas que enfrentas. You are so much more than the struggles you face.
• No se te olvide: no eres la única persona quien está aprendiendo lo que significa ser un ser humano. No estás solx. Do not forget: you are not the only person learning what it means to be human. You are not alone.

Las circunstancias van y vienen. La vida sigue cambiando. Pero tú sigues aquí con nosotros. Ten paciencia y compasión con ti mismx. Sentir incomodidad no significa lo peor. Solo es parte de ser una persona. Sigue adelante, queridx.

Gentle note: Sometimes we need a little help. If you or someone you know is considering self-harm, suicide, or is simply having a tough time, consider reaching out to the following numbers. No estás solx.

Si quieres ayuda / If you want help:

• The Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988
• Servicios en español: llama 1-888-628-9454
• Services for deaf or hard of hearing folks: text 988, chat online, use your preferred relay service or dial 711 then 988.
• Crisis Text Line: text “HOME” to 741741

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Magaly Arredondo Lopez (she/ella) was born and raised in the beautiful and ever-changing Austin, Texas. Her raíces trace back to Nuevo Laredo, Tamaulipas, where both of her parents are from. Magaly is a queer, brown mujer who loves to write, be outside with naturaleza, read, and day dream about a world with zero racism, free food, free housing, mental health care for all, badass music and art, and tons of pan dulce.